The Wife Is Not Speaking To Me

One night,
this guy come into a bar
and asks the bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another.
After a couple more drinks,
the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy
“and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while.
“But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?”
asked the bartender.
“Yeah, except today is the last night.”

Who Gave You Those Black Eyes?

A regular at Bob’s Bar came
in one evening sporting a matched
pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
“Whoa, Sam!” said the bartender.
“Who gave those beauties to you?”
“Nobody gave them to me,” said Sam.
“I had to fight like crazy for both of them.”

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar
having a drink when agood-looking girl comes up to
them and says “whoever can say liver andcheese in a
sentence can have me”.

So the white guy says”I love liver and cheese.”
she says “that’s not good enough.”
The black says “I hate liver and cheese”,
and she says “that’s notcreative”,
and then the Mexican says “liver alone cheese mine.”

Young Racists

A 5 year old black boy walks up
to a 5 year old white boy and says, “My daddy’s got a car.
When he honks the horn it goes ‘honkey honkey’”.

Little white boy says,
“shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it
up it goes ‘run nigga nigga run’”.

You are so black

You’re so black you blead coffee.

You’re so black you could leave a hand print in charcoal.

You’re so black you went to night school and the teacher
counted you absent.

they are burning

Pepito was hit by a car,
died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Pepito, and said:
Pepito, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.

For hours, Pepito spun the wheel at full speed,
then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down,
a black baby came out…and Pepito replied:
Damn! I better hurry because they are burning!

The Genie

A black guy knew he had it made
when the old brass bottle he found in
the back yard turned out to have a genie in it.
Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him.

“I wanna be rich,” said the black man.
The back yard filled up with chests of gold
coins and jewels in the blink of an eye.

“I’m no fool,” said the black man.
“I wanna be white.” And there he stood, white,
blonde-haired and blue-eyed.

“Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life.”
And he was black again.

So Many Fathers

A black woman was filling
out forms at the welfare office.
Under “Number of children,”
she wrote “10,” and where it said
“List names of children,” she wrote “Leroy.”
When she handed in the form, the woman behind
the desk pointed out:
“Now here where it says “List names of children,”
you’re supposed to write the names of each one of your children.” “Dey all named Leroy,” said the black woman.
“That’s very unusual.
When you call them, how do they know which one you want?”
asked the welfare worker.
“Oh, den I uses the last names.”

Sandbox Humor

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.
Teacher asks Sarah: “What did you do at recess?”

Sarah says, “I played in the sand box.”

Teacher says, “That’s good. Go to the blackboard,
and if you can write ’sand’ correctly,
I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.”

She does and gets a cookie.
Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, “I played with Sarah in the sand box.”

Teacher says, “Good.
If you write ‘box’ correctly on the blackboard,
I’ll give you a fresh baked cookie.”

Morris does, and gets a cookie.
Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul
Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, “I tried to play with Sarah and Morris,
but they threw rocks at me.”

Teacher says, “Threw rocks at you?
That sounds like blatant racial discrimination.
If you can go the blackboard and write
‘blatant racial discrimination’ I’ll give you a cookie.”

Tattooed Pen’s

This fellow was so deeply in
love that just before he was married,
he had his bride’s name tattooed on his love muscle.
Normally, only the first and last letters were visible,
although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they’re on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay.
One night, in the men’s room,
this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man,
too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his pen’s.
“Excuse me,” he says, “but I couldn’t help noticing your tattoo.
Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?”No way, mon,
I work for the Tourist board.
Mine reads, “Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.”