Category: Christmas Jokes
Three Bad Men
There Were Three Bad Men Who Went To A Priest.
The First One Said I Have stollen A Lolipop From A Baby.
Drink This Holy Water And You Will Be forgiven.
The Second One Says I Killed A Child.
Drink This Water And You shall Be Forgiven.
The Third One Says I Pissed In The Holy Water.
You Will Go to Hell Said The Priest.
Lmao Dude Read This
A City Cop Was On His Horse
Waiting To Cross The Street When
A Little Girl On Her New Shiny Bike Stopped Beside Him.
“nice Bike,” The Cop Said “did Santa Bring It To You?” “yep,”
The Little Girl Said, “he Sure Did!” The Cop Looked The Bike
Over And Handed The Girl A $5 Ticket For A Safety Violation.
the Cop Said, “next Year Tell Santa
To Put A Reflector Light On The Back Of It.”
The Young Girl Looked Up At The Cop And Said,
“nice Horse You Got There Sir, Did Santa Bring It To You?”
“yes, He Sure Did,” Chuckled The Cop.
The Little Girl Looked Up At The Cop And Said,
“next Year Tell Santa The Dick Goes Underneath The Horse,
Not On Top.”
That Sucks
Two Brothers Are Opening Presents At Christmas.
the Younger Brother Has 20 Presents And The Older One Only Has One. The Younger Brother Says To The Older One,
“haha, I Have 20 Presents You Only Have One!”
the Older Brother Replies “haha Smart Ass, You Have Cancer.”
i Know This Is Stupid……..so Thanks For All The Comments 
Christmas Party
At Last Years Employee
Christmas Party I Was With My Wife
And Got Drunk Told People What I Thought Of Them.
The Next Day When I Woke Up I Asked My Wife How The Party Was? And She Say’s You Dont Remember?
No! She Then Say’s Well You Got Pretty
Drunk And Told The Boss What You Thought Of Him.
I Say Yeah What Did He Do? He Said Your Fired!
I Said Fuckem She Says I Did You Start Back Monday……..
Ex-wife Now
Santa Had A Problem
Santa Had A Problem,
So He Went To The Doctor And Said
“Doc, I Think I Have A Minced Pie Up Mny Arse!”
so The Doctor Tells Him To Bend Over So He Can Take A Look,
“alright Mr Clause, U Do Indead Have A Minced Pie Up Ur Backside
But Do Not Worry Because I Have Sum Cream To Go Wiv It”
Burglar
Wat Did The Burglar Get After Nickin A Calender?
he Got 12 Months!
How An Angel Got 2 B On Top Of The Tree
This One Year Santa Was Having A Very Bad Day.
His Wife Didn’t Give Him None,
He Had A Hangover From The Night Before,
Non Of The Elves Were On Schedule,
The Kids Were All Bitching And Whining And Unappreciative.
He Went To Have A Drink But All The Liqure Was Gone,
Everyone Was Demanding That He Do Something,
The House Was A Mess And He Stubbed His Toe On A Broken
Toy And So He Started To Cuss And Shout And He Was Really Pissed. Just Then The Doorbell Rang And It Was An Angel With A Beautiful New Christmas Tree.
“where Should I Put This Santa?”
The Christmas Holidays
In All My Years,
There Is One Thing I’ve
Learned About The Christmas Holidays!
Liquor Works Better Than Mistletoe . . . .
Holiday Nuts!
Holiday Nuts!
schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
dementia - I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas
narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
manic - Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Offices And
towns And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And…
paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire
personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…………..