While proudly showing off
his new fraternity house to friends,
a college student led the way into the den.
“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?”
one of his friends asked.
“That’s the talking clock”,
the man replied, with a grin.
“Let me show you how it works!”
And with that, he gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other
side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERKS! IT’S 2 AM!”
The farmer and his
wife had worked hard,
they scrimped and saved
to send their son to college.
As soon as he had enrolled,
he started to grow a beard.
Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns.
Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment,
he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.
On the back of the photo he scrawled,
“How do you like it? Don’t I look like a count?”
Shortly after, the son received this terse note:
“You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college,
and you can’t even spell!”
Even though I was an
engineering student at
the University of Maryland,
chemistry was a required course in my day.
The Professor, on the first day of class,
asked everyone to name the most outstanding
contribution chemistry had made to society.
When my turn came, I answered, “Blondes!”
Lots of things go on during
“spring break” as the college
students let off a little steam.
This one student was arrested for
indecent exposure in a field near the beach,
and was appearing before a judge.
“I plead not guilty, Your Honor.
I only went there to get relieved,” he testified.
“Well, I’m inclined to accept your explanation.” said the judge.
“I guess some allowances must be made for ’emergencies’.”
“That’s true to a point, Your Honor,” said the arresting officer.
“But what about this young lady here who relieved him?”
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,
“Can people predict the future with cards?”
His response was, “My mother can.”
The teacher replied, “Really?”
The young boy was quick to explain,
“Yes, she takes one look at my report
card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”
It had been snowing for hours
when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University
Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26
cars return to class.”
For a final philosophy examination,
the question was,”What is courage?”
3 minutes into a 3 hour exam, one student wrote,
“This is” and walked out.
The professor responded by writing on the exam,
“No, that was stupid.”
A teacher was wrapping up class,
and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam.
He said there would be
no excuses for not showing up tomorrow,
barring a dire medical condition or an immediate
family member’s death.
One smart ass, male student said,
“What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”,
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided,
the teacher glared at the student, and said,
“Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”
Teacher: Yeh kitab kiski hai?
Student: Sir, kagaj ki.
Teacher: Yeh toh mujhe bhi pataa hai.
Student: Sir, phir puchh kyon rahe hai.