How many internet mail

Q: How many internet mail list
subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.

I hear you’ve been tracing

I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet…
Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!

Do you want some help

Do you want some help using the Internet, son?
No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.

Can you show me

Can you show me how to use the Internet?
I’d better – otherwise you’ll just go round
and round in circles.

I never thought that

I never thought that
the Internet was very useful,
but now I’ve changed my mind.
Let’s hope your new one works better
then the one you had before.

Online banking

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?

CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man.
I was wondering if you offer online banking?

TECH: We’re an Internet service provider, ma’am.
You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.

CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?

TECH: You just need the modem in your computer.
That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account,
and sign up for online banking with your bank.

CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?

TECH: I’m not sure I understand?

CUSTOMER: You know…Does the money come out
from that slot on the computer?

The Net is Slow

The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it’s so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,
It’s time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we’re still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

Birth Internet Mails Children Firewalls

A little boy goes to his father
and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers: “Well son,
I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.

Your mum and I got
together in a chat room at Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with
your mum and we met up at cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room,
I upgraded my floppy disk to a stiffy
and then your mum agreed to do a download
from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button,
nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:

“You’ve got Male!”