It had been snowing for hours
when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University
Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26
cars return to class.”
For a final philosophy examination,
the question was,”What is courage?”
3 minutes into a 3 hour exam, one student wrote,
“This is” and walked out.
The professor responded by writing on the exam,
“No, that was stupid.”
A teacher was wrapping up class,
and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam.
He said there would be
no excuses for not showing up tomorrow,
barring a dire medical condition or an immediate
family member’s death.
One smart ass, male student said,
“What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”,
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided,
the teacher glared at the student, and said,
“Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”
Teacher: Yeh kitab kiski hai?
Student: Sir, kagaj ki.
Teacher: Yeh toh mujhe bhi pataa hai.
Student: Sir, phir puchh kyon rahe hai.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A Pilgrim with a rash!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn’t get the moose in the oven!
Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly?
Because he was a gobbler.
What was the main thing
the Pilgrims did during the first winter?
Starve.
Why did Johnny get such low grades after Thanksgiving?
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.
What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey?
“Pleased to eat you!”
What did the little turkey say to the big turkey?
“Peck” on someone your own size!
What do you get after
eating way too much turkey and dressing?
Dessert, of course!
Two pilgrims go out hunting.
One has two blunderbusses (guns).
The second pilgrim asks,
“Why do you have two blunderbusses?â€
The first pilgrim explains,
“I usually miss the first time I shoot.
By taking two I can shoot againâ€.
The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says,
“Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?â€
What do you get if you cross
a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
A Witch-bone
What would you get if you crossed
a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can’t jump at all.
What always comes at the end of Thangsgiving?
The letter G!
A lady was picking through
the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A palgrim.
Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.
